tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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