i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
