You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
