get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
