Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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