the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
