Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
me + whiskey = a bad person
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
