Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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