just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
