Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
