me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
