Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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