I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
there is another microwave in the elevator.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
