Are we in a gay sports bar?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
