If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
