I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
