Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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