I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She said her name was "party"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
