I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
