so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
