its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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