Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
