I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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