The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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