You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
