after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
