I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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