I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
