you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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