i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
