is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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