Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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