you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
