do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I love black thongs
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
