i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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