my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my poor anus
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
