Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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