Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
