Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
