I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
