i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
