I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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