i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
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Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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