You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
