Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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