so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
