would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
