At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
