nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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