i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i think i just lost a toe
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
