Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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