I am puke
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
