Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
