you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
