the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
