last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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