Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
