cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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