I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
