Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You ruined the universe
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
