Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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