it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
