I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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