i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
