I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
