wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
