my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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