Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
