You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
